Never go to bed angry. If you don’t hash through every conflict right away, it’ll lead to resentment and ultimately, blowups.

As marriage folklore goes, the idea that it’s imperative to settle every disagreement before day’s end is pretty well entrenched. (After all, that’s the way some people read that “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” line from the Bible, as well as how others interpret the pop-psychology dictum “voicing grievances clears the air.”) And many of us have accepted the premise that if we don’t address disputes as once, all that unresolved conflict just festers inside us and well wake up angrier each day, until someone finally explodes over an uncapped tube of toothpaste.

Ideally, of course, we would all be able to truly forgive every slight and make up before bedtime. But guess what? No one is that perfect. And, in reality, most spouses don’t resolve problems well when they’re mad. In fact, “the idea that it’s helpful for couples to air their grievances in the heat of the moment is probably one of the most dangerous marriage myths out there. Often nothing gets resolved – partners just get more and more furious. When people are overwhelmed by emotions like anger, they experience what psychologist call “flooding,” a physiological response that leaves their hearts pounding and their concentration shot, to say nothing of their ability to resolve arguments fairly or amicably.

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